I wanted to be Twiggy.  Does anyone remember her?  She was a pencil thin blond of the 60s.  Her real name is Lesley Hornby.  She was a London model and could wear any sort of outfit.  That was the hip me.  The classic me wanted to be Holly Golightly.  She was the character in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” that was played by Audrey Hepburn.  Audrey Hepburn was a classic beauty in the body of a waif.  My body shape was not anywhere similar to theirs.  It was unfair.  I wanted to be their equal!

I grew up in a loving home.  I do not ever remember wanting for anything and not getting it.  We were not rich.  My father worked.  My mother also worked in and outside our home as necessary.  There came the day when there was a ‘thing’ that I wanted that they did not see a reason to provide as I already had one.  I wanted an “English” bike.  I already had a perfectly good bike and there was no extra money.  Other kids had them.  It was not fair.  This was not equal.

I attended college.  I was homesick and miserable for a lot of the time I was there.  I studied and passed barely.  I kept at it for almost two years.  I was struggling, few understood so I decided to leave.  The school did not understand my angst.  It was not fair.  This was not equal.

I rented an apartment in Boston.  I made phone calls.  I lived life.  I could not pay my bills.  I got letters that I would go to court if the bills were not paid.  The college students across the hall simply moved every year and used other names to rent and skipped out on their bills.  I was being harassed.  It was not fair.  This was not equal.

What is equal?  From several sites:


n. pl. e·qual·i·ties

1. The state or quality of being equal.

2. Mathematics A statement, usually an equation, that one thing equals another.

equal·i·ty   [noncount] : the quality or state of being equal : the quality or state of having the same rights, social status, etc.
▪ racial/gender equality ▪ the ideals of liberty and equality ▪ women’s struggle for equality — oppositeinequality; compare equivalence


Definition of EQUALITY

1: the quality or state of being equal

Examples of EQUALITY

the ideals of liberty and equality

<it’s absurd to suggest that there’s an equality in the evil committed by the Nazis and the crimes of the government of that Asian country>

First Known Use of EQUALITY

15th century

Again I ask what is equal?  Is it equal that my bone structure and body shape is NOT the same as other girls/women and will not ever be the same as what I can see?  Is it equal that I did not get the bike or the grades or free rent?  Is it equal that my father did not earn as much as his boss?  Or that we do not earn as much as Donald Trump?  Equality means that we all are to have the same?  Does it mean that all the rich people are to give their money to everyone else so no one has to work?

I have been meaning to address this for a long time and this morning a video popped up on facebook.   After I watched it I was challenged to pass it on and go through this exercise.  The video can be found at the following website.


While I do not want others to suffer and go without, part of this is reality.  There is no equal.  It does not exist.  We are all created equal according to our country.  ‘Created equal’ does not mean having the same ‘stuff’.  It means we have the same opportunities.

Martin Luther King in his fight for racial equality asked that his children be judged ‘by the content of their character.’  He did not ask that equality be handed to them.  He wanted doors to be opened so that they were not judged by color.  He wanted them to be allowed to have the same opportunities to work to excel not be given anything.

Equality is not a right.  It is an opportunity.  Honore de Balzac said, “Equality may perhaps be a right, but no power on earth can ever turn it into a fact.”  Equality is not a right.  Bob Dylan the philosopher of the 60s said it best.  He said, “All this talk about equality.  The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die.” Equality is not a right.  Equality is an opportunity.

In the end if I want to look like Audrey Hepburn I will have to simply buy a black dress and pearls.  It is about as far as I can go.

In the end I made an opportunity for my bike by selling 60 boxes of greeting cards. I earned my beautiful English bike.

In the end I left college on my own.  I made the decision to quit, to try again, to quit and move on.  It was my choice, my opportunity to explore a new world.  I chose the struggle to move beyond depression.  I succeeded.

In the end I found the money for the rent and made a deal with the phone company to pay a monthly fee for some time. (In all honesty my folks did help me with that as well.)  Still it was not left to any governmental entity.  I accepted the responsibility.

Lesson?  Life is not fair.  There is no equal.  Opportunity is available for all despite their circumstances.  The one thing we all have is choice.  Even that is not equal.


By ktsquared Posted in Trivia

One comment on “I AM NOT EQUAL

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