THE BATH – GARDEN TUBS

GOOD MORNING WORLD

In the newer homes in the last 15+ years you will find oversized tubs commonly referred to as Whirlpool or Garden Tubs in the master bathrooms.  Some of them have jets in them thus giving the whirlpool effect. Others are simply oversized.  Usually they are triangular and fit in a corner of the bathroom.  Most of them have a large window or windows above them.  All they are is more surface to clean as far as I am concerned.  Do I really want water that has been circulated and is now sitting in the pipes re-circulated again at a later date?  And who wants a window over a tub when you will be standing naked in it?  Am certain the curtain or blinds industry played a part in this design.  Can you tell not my favorite?

In North Carolina our first new house with a whirlpool I was very excited.  This contractor put a lot of thought into the construction as there actually was a door to get to the underside of the tub should something go wrong.  That is not always the case.  Also you could sit on the whole front of the shelf and slide your legs over to get in.  Plenty of room for access.

The Memphis house had the same and also easy access in and out of the tub.  As well as being larger they are also higher than normal tubs.  The Missouri house had a step to get into the tub which we eliminated as a cost cut.  We did not need the step as we judged we were young enough to put a leg over should we use it.  Again the whole front was open to the tub itself.  From then on in the tubs were our choice and no longer whirlpools and not funky shapes until now with few choices in design we are back to the triangle in the corner with windows.  By the way the fixtures are in the front (aka the hypotenuse) of this tub.  Try and get in and out of this thing!  Plus I am older and less bendy!!!

I get in our tub every few months or so just to dust it out.  Pretty good when to clean a tub you dust it not use comet or scrubbing bubbles!!!   I have the 4 windows that are above it covered with solid white cafe curtains so some light still comes in during the day.  I do not want to scare the neighbors on those occasions I chose to try and figure out how to manipulate this aging and ever increasing in size body to get into this contraption.  Last night was one of these occasions.  It was Saturday night after all!!

Cute aside.  Grampa Smith who lived down the street from us in Maine used to say he only took a bath once a week on Saturdays.  I know that was not true however he made a big deal of it.  No wonder.  He wore about thirty layers of clothing to stay warm all year long.  He had long johns.  Flannel lined Pants. Wool hunting pants.  Undershirt, Flannel Shirts. down vest and jackets as well.  I hope that is not what I am looking at in my eighties!!!

I decided to use a gift from Christmas as a treat for all the work I did over the holiday.  I decided to have a luxurious bath.  The gift was from a very special person and they usually use a theme.  The theme this year evidently was shells.  There were two beautiful towels in purple with shell designs.  There was a bath brush in a lovely muted purple and other floral patterns ala Monet.  The bag also included a delicious smelling bar of beauty soap and similar moisturizing lotion.   There were chocolates in the shape of shells and a matching lovely gold shell ornament.  Additionally in the gift bag was a box of my favorite chocolate covered cherries.

Off I tromped to the bath with towels, brush, soap and moisturizer in hand.  I took the tags off everything and turned to get the tub ready.  I took my long swiffer and dusted out the tub.  My oh my!  If ‘dust though art to dust though cometh’ is real, then I had tons of people coming and going in that porcelain whiteness.

I began to fill the tub.  That is another questionable thing about these tubs.  In order to have a decent bath you have to fill them up with gallons and gallons of water.  Thankfully I am not an environmental elitist or I would NEVER use this luxury.

Now remember the fixtures are in the front.  Let me draw this picture for you.  This is a sort of triangle.  The long side is facing you – the hypotenuse of the triangle.  Across from that is the point of the triangle with two long sides coming out.  Then each of those end and we have two short sides to the front.  So perhaps it is more of a pentagon with two short sides and the one long across the front with the large V in the back.   Regardless it is oversized and odd shaped.

Let me try again.  The corner has four windows – 2 on each side.  Under those are the back wall of the tub. The right, as you are looking at it, ends and becomes a short 24″ side that ends in a wall right up to the tub.  No access on that side.  The left side as you are looking at it ends and is open for the 24″ short span except for a small chest of draws sitting there.  There is no other draw storage in this room.

To get in this tub I have to maneuver between the fixtures in the center on the front hypotenuse and the small 4 draw chest on the left short wall.  Remember there is a corner there where the short edge meets the front.  The shelf as it sits is about 12″ across.  I have three decorative blue bottles in varying shape on the tub shelf under the windows.

I could make the choice to remove the bottles and move the draws closer to the shower to gain easier access.  The water was filling and I was now naked and a little chilly.  I have about 12 inches to put my leg up over and hang onto the window sill while I shift my weight to pull up the other leg over and in and hopefully not slip during this whole procedure.  Halfway through all of this I remember I left the towel in the bedroom.  Stop go get the towel.

As I proceed again I decide to sit on the edge of the tub straddling it to get in.  Halfway through this I remember the beautifully scented body soap on the sink across the way.  Oh joy have to stop the process and start again.  But wait!  There on the top of the draws within reach was a new package of 8 Coast soaps that had not been put in the draws.  Thank you laziness!  I forgo the beauty bar all the while thinking it probably would do no good anyway at this late time in my life and grabbed a bar of Coast!  Straddling the shelf is harder than I thought and I am getting colder.

I turn my body to bring up my other leg over the small area to get into the tub and discover this is no easy chore after all.  There is not much room.  Finally I have to stand up with grab the sill and get my leg over the lip and ahhhhhhhhhhh….both feet in the hot warm water!!!  I sit, I lay and relax.  The warmth is enveloping me and I can feel my joint pain ease.  This was really worth it!!!

As I am in the joy I think, well I got that done now how in the world am I going to get out!!!  In true Scarlett O’Hara fashion I said to myself out loud, I said, “I’ll think about that in a little while!”

…..ONWARD TO MORE MISADVENTURE…

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3 comments on “THE BATH – GARDEN TUBS

  1. I am laughing right out loud. The funniest was that you forgot the towel. Or was that the funniest???? It is all hilarous!!! Loved it, loved it. I also ,now, really appreciate my regular tub and shower!!! (that I have never had to dust!!!). However, glad you got to use your Christmas gift end the end.
    Still chuckling.
    Aunt Becky

  2. Glad you finally got to enjoy! I was so afraid I was going to hear you had slipped or something worse ~ I would hate to be the 1st link of that chain reaction!
    Love,
    Jo

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