I keep a notebook or pad of paper (or try to) and pen by the spot where I sit while watching TV as sometimes I hear something I want to retain.  It ‘used to be’ that if I heard it I remembered it.  Now I need a little more help.  I also like to know the sources so I can check it later if I choose.  Not sure why, if or when I will use the info and yet I have it.  It at lest is important at the moment. In the last couple of weeks I wrote three statements on Dr. Oz’s face in a magazine as the notebook was missing.  I saw them as I was getting ready to toss the magazine to the recycling. 

The first line was from the movie “The Vow” and the character said, ‘We don’t speak to each other that way.’

The second line I noted was from “Barney’s Version” and the character said, “Have I not loved you enough today?”

The third line was from “Bottle Shock” and the character said, “We’re all a little stronger in the broken places.”

I wrote them down casually and separately.  I found it interesting that they all ended up in the same space.  My thinking after looking at them all together is, “Aren’t these statements a story of a love life even a marriage?”

As we are dating we come together and like twins each couple finds their own language, their patter, their uniqueness if you will.  I have observed some couples being very formal with each other.  I might judge the actions as courteous and cool and wonder what they see in each other if I were prone to do so.  Other couples have casualness about them as they fawn over each other and create a space where one might feel uncomfortable with their public displays of affections. Other couples have a combination of the two.  The fact is that every couple loves differently. 

Older couples married for years have been noted to come to look like each other.  Certainly their mannerisms are familiar to one another.  Watch a couple at a wedding that have been married for years dance.  They do so with the relaxed knowledge of the familiar and absolutely know what is coming next and they look like one unit gliding across the floor.  It is beautiful.  They are speaking their own language.

I would guess that married couples that look like this have ‘loved each other enough’ on most days.  I know from my life, as I paraphrase Rod McKuen a favorite poet of mine, that ‘every day is not shiny and bright, every night is not something to remember’.   I believe any marriage, any REAL marriage, is full of highs and lows and ups and downs.  This brings me to the last quote.

I believe we are all ‘stronger in the broken places’.  To think that we live a life without hurt is to think that Utopia is real.  While I do believe that when things are very very good in our lives we may be very close to this mythical place, the reality is that we love and hurt and forgive and heal.  We fix the broken places with tenderness and caring day in and day out.  Living a life with each other, being responsible to each other, being the best we can be – that is what makes our marriages wonderful in their own uniqueness.

Years ago the poet Judith Viorst wrote a book of poems entitled ‘Married is Better”.  I believe that marriage in not for everyone and there is a call to singleness as well.  For those who choose it I believe marriages have to ‘speak’ their own language and ‘love enough’ to ‘fix the broken parts’.

I love movies!!!  Who says they are a waste of time???




  1. Thanks. Your thoughts are perfectly timed for the stresses my daughter and her husband are going through as they peel the onion of what it is to be married. They are newlyweds and are finding both stimulating and disappointing things in living together versus dating….warts and all.

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