GOOD MORNING WORLD
Yesterday I was up early in the morning well before 7AM. I came down and went right to work at the computer. I checked emails and facebook and the news and started writing my entry for my blog. I knew what I was going to write about and it came out fairly easy. I cleaned it up, ran spell and grammar check and posted it. I then went to work on some presentations that I have to organize, add some writing to in spots and file them. There were 7 of them and luckily they were almost complete.
I was still in my robe/lounge dress – the name changes depending on what I am doing. My husband argues about this with me often. He says they are robes. Actually they are sold as lounge dresses that I wear as robes as they are not fluffy or hot. Just cotton dresses with pockets in a larger size that work for me as a robe! I decided to stay in lounge mode and continue working thinking that when I am done I would go shower and change at 11AM or so. I had no appointments nor was anyone coming to see me. The job of organizing the presentations would be behind me and I could look to the rest of the day with a clean slate.
The first presentation went well. I had a lot of typing to input information into that one so it was the longest I believed. I was coming up to 10AM-ish feeling quite confident about the job and the timeline I had set for myself. Spent some time in assembling old and new and sorting files on the computer that corresponded with what I had in front of me as hard copies – paper. I went to look for another presentation to complete. I wanted this particular one as it too had more work than the others. Do the hardest first is usually my mantra. The clock said 11AM was gone!
I spent the next hour in a panic as I could not find the papers I wanted. There was another presentation of the same group that was missing as well. I went from room to room. I went into the trash. I looked over papers once, twice and three times. Back to the trash, to the coffee table, to the file cabinet in case I had filed it with other papers. THEN I thought to call my husband and see if perhaps he had taken them to work. It was now well after 12:30PM when I had the answer that yes he did. In all this time I was frantic. A lot of work goes into these and I did not want to have to do it all over again.
I am betting some of you have felt that feeling of frantic looking for something that you are certain that you know where it is in your house. I was feeling frantic and overwhelmed all at the same time. This overwhelmed feeling was heavy on my chest. My shoulders felt low as if I were a milkmaid carrying a long bar with two heavy cans of milk on it one on each end. My breath was coming in short spurts and I was feeling like I was going to lose it. My eyes were darting looking for just anything that might be the papers I needed. I was looking up. I was at the desk looking. I was at the counter thinking it was there. I was very uncomfortable. On top of that I still had not gotten dressed at all this day and our bed was unmade. I judged myself as a failure.
Imagine going from good to frantic in such a short period of time! Well I did! Looking back on it the whole incident was ridiculous. I could have recreated what I needed yet I HAD to find THOSE pieces of paper. I had allowed myself to get worked up and frantic over nothing to anyone else I am sure. To me, yesterday, it was a judgment on myself as a very unorganized person who cannot keep much straight. We are of course all hardest on ourselves are we not?
Once I located the papers and realized what I had done to myself I let go of it all. I said a few words I will not write here and relaxed. I decided not to bother fretting about getting dressed any differently. I did have on a lounge DRESS after all! It is clothes! I made my lunch and read the paper and attempted the crossword. My brain was not ready for that though. Further I let myself chill and sat in the ‘Grandmama Chair’ (named as it is perfect for me and a couple of kidders) and watched some TV. What a day!
The good news is I did accomplish something. I had finished one presentation and managed to get my lunch. After watching TV I picked up and cleaned some in the family room. It was okay that I did not complete my list totally. One major, any, accomplishment for yesterday was good enough! I got in the shower at 4:30PM and we went to a movie and out to dinner using a gift card we have had for about 6 months!!!
The additional good news is that while watching TV I was blessed to catch the arrival of our four heroes from Libya. What a beautiful ceremony. We live in the best country! It really put my silly panic and overwhelmed feelings into perspective.
Today I am going to make home made baked beans for my husband for supper and look for a misplaced credit card. It will be a better day I am just sure of it!
…..ONWARD TO MORE MISADVENTURE…